Words: Fin Harrison

For new bands, interviews can be tricky and sometimes grueling. It’s not a format they step into naturally, and often they haven’t got much to say. Their options usually are:

1. Umm and ahh their way through it nervously.
   
2. Address the journalist like Alex Turner on the red carpet at the Brits.
   
3. Take the piss and laugh their way through it.

Scottish punk two-piece Cowboy Hunters unapologetically opted for option three.

When I rock up to Haggerston’s Signature Brew venue, Megan Pollock and Desmond Johnson are sat outside at a wet wooden table, enjoying a lager and cigarette with openers Milange. We say our hellos and walk fifteen metres down the road, where I speak to them on the pavement for just under fifteen chaotic minutes. They’ve just come down from Manchester, where they supported Bob Vylan, a journey plagued with delays thanks to several car crashes on the M1, though thankfully none involving the band.

Desmond bears an eerie resemblance to Trainspotting’s Sick Boy, both in looks and sharp-tongued Scottish nihilism. Megan is covered in symmetrical tattoos from neck to wrist.

Like all duos, it’s immediately apparent how close they are. In the last year, they’ve begun gaining the kind of traction all new bands crave. Last year, they supported Franz Ferdinand in Glasgow, earning praise from frontman Alex Kapranous, who called them the city’s “coolest band.” Later this month, they’ll be taking the hunt to Ireland, opening for Sleaford Mods.

It’s easy to see why two such different bands would want Cowboy Hunters to psych up their crowds. They pulsate with the shout-along energy Franz Ferdinand fans love, and pack the left-wing lyrical “fuck yous” that resonate with Sleaford Mods’ audience. They’re also a shining example of how the grassroots venue circuit continues to breed success, a cause many established bands now rightly champion at a time when these spaces are under constant threat of closure.

The only brief I was given before conducting this interview was that the pair like to stay in character as cowboy hunters. With that in mind, what follows is perhaps the most bizarre interview that I, and quite possibly the band themselves, have ever been subjected to.

Is there a mutual respect between Cowboy Hunters and their contemporaries, the K Pop Demon Hunters?
Megan: “The K Pop Demon Hunters are sound. Big ups to them.”
Desmond: “I quite like the K Pop Demon Hunters.”

If there was a Cowboy Hunters film, who would you cast in it?
Megan: “Clint Eastwood.”

Tell me about the logistics of what you do. If you were to take someone on a cowboy hunt that doesn’t involve, say, Texas, where would you take them and what would be involved?
Desmond: “Beyoncé concerts.”
Megan: “Harry Styles concerts.”

I suggest Chappell Roan.

Megan: “She gets a pass. She’s doing it in a more ironic way, I think.”

Where do you find cowboys?
Megan: “You find cowboys in skips a lot of the time.”
Desmond: “And underneath bridges.”
Megan: “Like trolls, but trolls are sound.”

I then named a number of public figures and officials and asked the pair to identify whether or not they were cowboys. Peter Mandleson and Harry Styles were deemed cowboys, while John Swinney and Susan Boyle were not. Also a cowboy was Stuart Little, about whom Desmond stated: “Little cunt. Grow up. He’s been little for ages.”

Their latest single, Shag Slags Not Slags, is an amusing, punchy track that takes aim at the sad lives of those who fall down far-right rabbit holes online. Its lyrics, split between Megan and Desmond verse by verse, suggest that pent-up sexual frustration may lie at the core of this hatred toward minorities and foreigners.

So if you had to shag a flag, which one would you shag?
Megan: “Blackbeard’s.”
Desmond: “Straw Hat’s jolly roger from the anime show One Piece.”

At their last headline show in London, at The Social in Oxford Circus, the band went on a tirade on stage about how Londoners grind their gears. They highlighted the fact that this is a city that has everything, and yet its people still seem so miserable.

Have you dealt with many unhappy Londoners today?
Desmond: “Everyone’s actually been quite nice to us today. It’s still fuck London though.”

Has it grown on you at all?
Desmond: “It has… like a tumor.”

The band recently opened for Bob Vylan and Sleaford Mods across the UK and Ireland, two artists who have previously clashed online. Bob Vylan frontman Bobby Vylan once called Sleaford Mods “cowardly” for not speaking out enough on Palestine shortly after the October 7th attacks. At the time, Sleaford Mods were promoting a single that raised over £40,000 for the homelessness charity Shelter. Since then, the Mods have become more vocal about Palestine, while Bob Vylan have found it more effective to use their platform to directly target Israel and the IDF, rather than feuding with another left wing band that shares much of their audience. However, it is still unknown whether the dust has settled between the two groups.

Do you think you might be able to use your support slots at these shows as a vehicle for peace between these two bands?
Desmond: “We might try to come up with a Parent Trap style plan. We’ll look into it.”

Their upcoming release, EPEEPEE, is out on March 20th.

Is this going to be the biggest year for cowboy hunting so far?
Desmond: “With more time spent on the road, we’ll have less time to hunt cowboys as an activity.”
Megan: “But on the other hand, we’ll have more places to do it.”

Both the raw, bass-heavy noise and the offbeat Scottish humour that define Cowboy Hunters on record are only heightened in a live setting, where the chaos, camaraderie and sheer volume land with even greater force.